Women’s #1 Most Common Pricing Mistake

Life requires change! Life is change! Heck, the very definition of life is change!

Merriam-Website: life; noun; the ability to grow, change, etc., that separates plants and animals from things like water or rocks.

Ladies, you are not a rock so stop hiding behind yourself.

Pricing Mistake #1: Afraid to Raise your Prices.

It’s just a fear not based in reality. And you know in your gut where that fear comes from… plain and simple, it comes from a fear of rejection.

And I get it! I feel your fear! Big time!

My number one fear is a Fear of Abandonment. With all of the soul searching I’ve done, Fear of Abandonment pops up over and over as a major theme in my life. I both consciously and unconsciously focused and feared and worried about it so much throughout my life that it kept showing up! Until I changed my perspective and shifted my thoughts.

“You are what you eat but more importantly… you are what you think.”

Whenever I have a resistance to anything…

I Stop, Drop, and Roll.

• Stop: I stop those crazy, fear-filled, non-productive, ridiculous thoughts spinning around in my head.

• Drop: I drop back into reality–my real and true situation and reality of my life.

• Roll: I roll up my sleeves and look at the situation rationally, with purpose and productivity as the goal i.e. “What do I really want?”

• “What outcome am I looking for?”

• “What do I want to produce from this situation or change?”

• “What’s my purpose behind making this change?”

Let’s look at 3 rational reasons to increase your prices. Women often overlook these because their fear of rejection descends so deeply, like a big dark cloud cascading over them, that all clarity is lost in the fog.

1) Your business and personal expenses have gone up.

Look around, prices have gone up - everywhere! Heck, I noticed just yesterday that my favorite brand of pesto is now $5.49. I swear it was $4.99 just a month ago. That’s a big increase. That’s a 10% increase.

However, I don’t get mad about it. I just figure they’re costs must have gone up so naturally they’re passing it on to me. I still bought it because it’s so good!

Guess, what… your costs just went up too! Your groceries are more expensive, the price of gas went up, your internet and cable services went up, and so on and so forth.

Ladies, you must keep in step with inflation and the cost of your living. Make that at least an annual commitment, quarterly even better. Look at your cost of living expenses and raise your prices accordingly to stay in step with them.

2) You have no problem getting work.

If you have no trouble convincing people to work with you or buy your services and/or products, you’re charging too little and undervaluing your worth. It’s time to raise your prices. Ideally, you want your close rate to be 75%-80%, meaning those 25% are not your ideal client and will balk and walk at your prices. But, Girl, they are either not ready to work with you or they’re just looking for a deal. Keep your heels and your standards high!

3) You feel resentful or taken advantage of.

This happened to me sooo many times I’m embarrassed to admit it but it is an excellent teaching moment. When I started out in business I would say “Yes, Yes, Yes” to everything. I had a major “People-Pleasing” problem-not uncommon for new entrepreneurs starting out and wanting to prove their worth. But “proving your worth” and “claiming your worth” are two drastically different things. Claim your worth by not taking on projects that undervalue your wisdom, talents, gifts, and time.

Here’s a Temperature Test:

If you have fear around increasing your prices, now is the perfect time to increase them!

That fear, your fear of rejection, has most likely held you back, not just in raising your prices, but in other areas of your life and business as well.

Now’s the time to face it head on, say ”Heck Ya! I’m Worth It” and take a big step up your golden staircase of self-worth!

Wow! we made it through all 5 of the Most Common Pricing Mistakes Women Make. Here’s the list:

• #5 - Working for Free for Too Long

• #4 - Undercharging & Over Delivering

• #3 - Pricing By Committee

• #2 - Taking It Personally When Someone Says You’re Too Expensive

• #1 - Fear of Increasing Your Prices

I have a handy-dandy Ebook/Checklist of them which you can reference anytime you feel yourself sliding backwards or doubting yourself.

And… There’s a TST Challenge for you about each mistake to really help you level up! TST means “Thinking Small Thought”. Start thinking Big(ger)!

Download Your Free Ebook Here.

And of course, you can always reread the longer versions of each Mistake on My Blog.

Remember, Mindset is the Magic and the seed from which all greatness grows.

Best, Janet

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“Raise your worth by believing in your wisdom and watch your wealth rise!”

- Janet Hutchens

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“Working with Janet is like working with your best friend.

She gets to know you, listens to your goals and makes great suggestions on how you can elevate your marketing to the next level.

She has a way of making you feel comfortable while being bold and enjoying the process of getting out of your comfort zone.

Janet asks the right questions and never “sells” you on her services.

I cannot wait for my next project with her.”

- Lovelynn Ivey

Lovelynn.com

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Ready to hit the road and get going? Learn more about our Marketing Program.

What the heck is “Too Expensive” anyway?

Pricing Mistake #2

TRUE STORIES:

[TEXT] “FYI - your new course email has a typo in it. There’s an extra zero in the price.”

[CONVERSATION] “Oh yes. I’ve heard about you. I hear you’re very expensive.”

[EMAIL] “Your quote was too expensive. We believe in helping people out so we don’t charge very much. People usually volunteer their work to us. ”

Full Disclosure: When I received these message, I have made ALL the classic, and not so classic, mistakes.

ME: [TEXT] “No, it isn't a typo, but maybe I should rethink my price.” - MISTAKE #3 - Pricing by Committee

ME: [CONVERSATION] “I’m not sure where you would have heard that. I’m happy to work with someone on price and I’ll work until you’re completely satisfied.” - Mistake #4 - Undercharging & Overdelivering

ME: [EMAIL] “Of course I can help. I can whip something up really quickly.” - Mistake #5 - Working for Free

Holy Cannoli! In all three of those cases, I let old patterns of self-sabotage kick in and did a complete about face on my sense of worth and value. With every step up my golden staircase of self worth, I took 2, no - 3 or 4 steps back. Ughhh!

Guess what the end result was for all three of these? HINT: Same result for all 3.

Cheeseball money for too much work and too much time… and also feeling resentful and depressed in letting myself down.

Pricing Mistake #2: Taking it personally when someone says you’re too expensive.

If you’re hearing that you are too expensive first of all give yourself a BIG HUG & HIGH FIVE because…

You have clearly and boldly… gone where you’ve never gone before!

Ok, new territory is always a little scary… but also EXCITING!

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“I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and
I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”

Georgia O’Keefe

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And Girlfriend, you have also clearly and boldly…

• Taken a fearless step up your golden ladder of worth!

• Decided you won’t compromise your talents!

• Chosen to value your time with a renewed respect!

“But what if…

• I gave them a deal… just this time?”

• they’re just testing me? Shouldn’t I compromise?”

• they really don’t have any money? Shouldn’t I still help out?”

Before you slide backwards making concessions and deals, please ask yourself…

What exactly is “too expensive”?

Here’s the deal:

Too expensive is completely subjective. What’s a good value to you could be too high for someone else and vice versa. And that makes the world go ‘round, Girl!

• Everyone has different ideas of value

• Stick to YOUR sense of value, not someone else’s

• Don’t take on their conscious and subconscious money blocks

I once dated a guy who would have crab legs flown in overnight from Alaska for dinner but would exhaustedly spend, and I mean endless hours over endless weeks, seeking out every deal know-to-mankind so he (we) could ski on the cheap. I would have happily given up the crab legs and use that money for regular lift tickets, just to be able to spend more time with him. Quality time was valuable to me. Food & deals to him.

The Project Constraint Triangle - Cost - Time - Quality

Every project has 3 over-arching variables: Cost - Time - Quality. One usually needs to be flexible for the successful completion of the project.

Heads Up - this is important!

That flexibility in cost, time, or quality comes from the client - NOT YOU!

The client needs to be flexible - NOT YOU!

• If they need it faster - the price goes up

• If they need it cheaper - send them somewhere else

• If they don’t care about your quality - send them somewhere else

• If they need additions to the quality ie bigger scope - the time increases and in turn the cost

Girl, If you really want that new car, you gotta get that old one out of the garage!

Only when you open up space in your life will there be room for new opportunities. Don’t weigh yourself down with clients that don’t value you and don’t want to pay your worth. Open up space for new opportunities and new valuable clients.

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“Raise your worth by believing in your wisdom and watch your wealth rise!”

- Janet Hutchens

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"Imagine setting out in a new frontier with no map! Even Lewis and Clark knew that was not wise which is why they enlisted Sacajawea as their guide.

After three brainstorm sessions, Janet presented a comprehensive marketing strategy and implementation plan to guide me in this new territory. As we reviewed the plan I felt myself shift from overwhelmed and confused to confident and courageous.”

Janet is my Sacajawea in this new frontier.
She brilliantly helps me build to my brilliance!"

- Susan Cowan Morse

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Ready to hit the road and get going? Learn more about our Marketing Program.

What Exactly is Branding?

Which comes first… the logo or the…

“All I need is a logo and I’ll be golden.”

If I had a dime for every time I heard that I’d own the bank. And I don’t … at least not yet ;)

Ask a bunch of people what branding is and you’ll likely get a bunch of different answers.

Branding, I know, it’s your…

• Logo

• Tagline

• Social media

• Specific Colors (“Aren’t you supposed to wear your branding?”)

• How you present yourself

• Website style

• Elevator Speech

• Authentic Voice

Hmmm… those are all correct … sort of.

Branding is not a noun, it’s a verb. It’s not a thing but a process.

Branding is a process.

It’s the process of researching, developing, designing, and applying distinctive features and elements to your business so your ideal client intuitively connects your brand with your products and services.

The “things” you get out of branding are “Your Brand” - the name of the business, logo, mark, color palette, tagline, etc.

“A picture’s worth a thousand words.” … Right?

Let me ask you…

What do you immediately think of when you see the font and red below?

If you didn’t say Coca Cola, you’re a recently landed alien… even though that’s not what’s written above.

Oh, those folks at Coke…. A++

A brand is only the result of the branding process. The process must come first in order to produce a great result.

“Perfection has to do with the end product, but excellence has to do with the process.”

So where to begin in a branding process?

“No, really, all I need is a logo! Once I have that, I can just start giving out business cards.”

“Hmmm… Yes you could, but what will you tell them?”

While a picture is worth a thousand words and can be the WOW that gets their attention and you in the door, what will you say once you’re in the room?

You must have the words - the foundation, the promise - to back up the WOW.

Your brand is your promise to your customers.

It’s the overall experience your customer undergoes and as such, it requires… No, demands… getting in touch with your heart and the heart of your customers.

I start with your “Why’s”.

Consider them your intentions, which ultimately is your promise to your customers and, equally as important, yourself.

• Your “All About Me” Why: My business give me the freedom to…

• Your “Emotional” Why: My business allows me to feel…

• Your “All About Them” Why: My business exists to…

Lean in and listen carefully, Girlfriend!

Those Why’s are the foundation of your business.

I call it the “3 Legged Stool” Foundation. If one of those Why’s gets out of whack, which, I assure you, will happen, you can go back to your original Why and intention, correct it, and get your business back in balance.

Once that’s done…

We can start creating all those shiny and delicious jewels of your brand, which you’ll present to the world making your business memorable and impactful!

Girl, I’m talking tiara, here, which you will wear proudly!

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Benefits of Well-Balanced Branding:

Identity: Branding gives your business an identity beyond its product or service. It gives consumers something to connect and relate to.

Memorable: Branding makes your business memorable. It’s the face of your company and helps consumers distinguish your business across every marketing outlet.

Marketing & Advertising: Branding supports your marketing and advertising efforts. It helps your promotion pack that extra punch with added recognition and impact.

Pride: Branding brings you and your employees pride and a sense of comfort. You’re creating a reputable, well-regarded work environment. Strong branding brings in strong employees.

Consistency: Branding assures your message can be clearly conveyed to the world, not just by you, but by everyone in your organization.

Trust: Branding implies trust. You took the time and effort to build a brand and understand your customers needs. Blend that with consistent marketing and it an absolute win-win.

Sales: Branding can be a strong deciding factor for consumers making a purchase decision. Almost 60% of shoppers said they actively buy from brands they know, and 21% said they bought a product because they liked the brand.

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It’s really just a simple 2-step process.

• Your 3 Why’s

• Then on to the Glitter.

Let’s get your glitter on, Girl, and start building your crown!

Best, Janet

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“Your smile is your logo.
Your personality is your business card.
How you leave others feeling becomes your trademark.”

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Now that you have an understanding of the branding process
check out my newly added Branding Package to get you started!

Pricing Mistake #3

What is the value of my life?” a young girl asked her father.

Instead of answering the question, the father told his daughter, “Take this rock and go sell it in the street market. If anybody asks about the price, just raise two fingers and don’t say anything.”

OK… Hold on!

It’s a good story and worth getting back to, but first let’s talk a little about human nature.

You know what’s deeply human?

Canvasing the audience. We all want to be loved, accepted, welcomed, and yes, valued, so we tend to feel out the audience before moving forward rather than relying on our innate and inner wisdom.

The Dangers of Sourcing Your Value.

[WARNING] Everyone has an opinion. EVERYONE!

All those opinions, comments, and reactions can be confusing and deafening, but far more dangerous, they can be paralyzing.

When it comes to pricing, product sellers have it a little easier since there’s overhead to consider, physical elements like ingredients and packaging, but for those of us with a services gig it can be much more difficult and scary, especially starting out.

MY JOURNEY:

When I started out in business I charged $25 an hour for my graphic design services. I even did barter work. Didn’t work. Never does, but that’s another subject for another day.

I also took on a client for $12/hr on the “hope” it would lead to more exposure in “hopes” of more clients. It didn’t. The exposure didn’t happen because I was their well-kept secret and their work consumed so much of my time, I didn’t have time for higher paying clients when they did come along.

I’m convinced that one of the main reasons, often unconscious, some are fearful to niche down and get specific about who they really want to work with is because they fear their self-confident, well-valued price will result in less sales.

They resign to playing small and stay in the low-confident numbers game… Volume versus Value.

“If I offer work at a low price point, I’ll always have work.”

Lean in and listen carefully, Girlfriend!

A lower price point may assure you of more work, but it will never assure you of a healthy bank balance. There is only so much time in a day and, right now, probably only one of you.

Time to level up to the high-confident numbers game.

Pricing Mistake #3: Pricing By Committee

Did you know that corporations, do in fact, have Pricing Committees? Makes sense at their level but not at ours because our services are still wrapped snuggly around our passions and personal self-worth. That’s OK and exactly how it should be.

Don’t you dare make the mistake of disconnecting your passion and self-worth with price and value. They are and should be completely intertwined and connected. In fact, when one does disconnect them that’s when everything goes to shit.

Let’s review how people often canvas their audience to feel validated about their prices:

• They look at their competitors

• They look at those in their target market

• They look at those who are in the market for what they do

That makes sense, right? Seemed reasonable to me too at first, however, let’s look deeper at the real danger in it.

First and foremost, everyone has different perspectives on worth, value, and money. Everyone has inner money blocks, just like you, that are reflected in what they do and how they act.

How you do money is how you do everything.

Here’s the biggest danger in asking someone what you should charge.

Whatever they tell you - good and bad - will stay with you.

TRUE STORY:

At a business networking event, I bounced the price of my new course off a business friend, who I thought may even take it. The first words out of her mouth were, “Geez, that’s sounds like a lot.”

Ugh… I immediately shrunk and then carried the weight of her comment around with me like a sack of rocks for months. Not only was it a direct shot to the heart of my self-worth, the worst part was that it paralyzed my progress.

I paced back and forth on that justification trail for months:

• “Maybe she just wants a deal.”

• “Maybe she doesn't understand everything she’ll get.”

• “Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough.”

• “Maybe she thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

• “Maybe she doesn’t value my work.”

• “Maybe she just doesn’t like me.”

Oh yeah! I dove straight down that rabbit hole head first! Ouch! All that inner talk paralyzed me from getting that course going for an entire year!

I eventually gathered the strength to ask her about her comment.

“Really, I said that? I’m so sorry. I guess it must have been because I was going through my divorce then and all I could think about was how I was going to pay my bills.”

Hmmm, nothing to do with me.. again! I’m so good at beating myself up.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you know exactly what your number is. It’s the same as when I work with someone on their branding, logo, or website. They know exactly what it should be and look like but often they just can’t express it… yet.

It’s in your heart, head, and soul. Trust yourself. Believe in your value.

If you don’t believe in your value how can you expect others to?

But if you’re going to ask anyone, ask your personal business coach. Don't even ask the business group you’re in even if they are in your industry. Everyone has variables, biases, and money blocks. Don’t add those to your load of worries. They belong to them, not you.

“Don’t base your net-worth on someone else's self-worth.“

Your personal business coach knows you, your services, and your comfort level. When working with a client on pricing, I gently guide her to the edge of her comfort zone and then ask her to take step forward-just one step. Could be a big step or a small step, it’s up to her, but nevertheless, a step. And that’s where we begin.

Remember... nothing is cast in stone. You can change your pricing any time of any day. And there are countless ways to incentivize people to use your services without offering them at rock bottom prices.

Everything you’ve ever wanted is right outside your comfort zone.”

You know in your gut what your time, experience, education, gifts and talents are worth. You’ve just been afraid to say it, to voice it. Time to speak up, Lovely Lady!!

Best, Janet

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Need a little guidance to move forward?
Ask Janet anything.
Schedule a FREE Brainstorm Session with Janet.

What is the value of my life?

The Rock Story

“What is the value of my life?” a young girl asked her father.

Instead of answering, the father told his daughter, “Take this rock and go sell it in the street market. If anybody asks about the price, just raise two fingers and don’t say anything.”

The girl went to the market and a woman asked, “How much is this rock? It would look so beautiful in my garden.” The girl didn’t say anything but raised up two fingers, and the woman said: “Two dollars? I’ll take it.”

The girl rushed home and told her father about the woman wanting to buy the rock for two dollars. “Now, I want you to take this rock to a museum and if anybody wants to buy it don’t say a word and just raise two fingers”, the father told her.

The girl went to the museum and a man asked her about the rock and how much it was. The girl just put up her two fingers. “Two hundred dollars? I’ll take it”, the man said.

The girl, shocked and excited, rushed home to tell her father. “A man at the museum wants to buy my rock for two hundred dollars!!” she exclaimed. “Excellent!”, said the father. “Now take the rock to a precious stones store and show it to the owner but again, don’t say a word, and if asked about the price just put up two fingers.”

The girl went to a precious stones store and showed the rock to the owner. “Oh, my goodness!”, said the store owner. “Where did you find this stone? It is an extremely rare stone. I must have it! How much would you sell it for?” The girl simply raised two fingers. “Twenty thousand dollars? I’ll take it!” said the store owner.

Running excitedly into her house, the girl shouted, “Father, the precious stones store owner wants to buy my rock for twenty thousand dollars!”

“My dear daughter, do you know the value of your life now? You see, it doesn’t matter where you come from, where you are born, the color of your skin, or how much money you were born into. It only matters where you decide to place yourself, the people you surround yourself with, and how you choose to carry yourself.”

“When surrounding yourself by people that see your worth for only two dollars, you may spend your whole life thinking that you are a two dollar stone.”

“But everybody has a diamond inside them, and we can choose to surround ourselves with people that see our value and see the diamond inside of us. We can choose to put ourselves in a street market or in a precious stones store. We also can choose to see the value of others and help them to see the diamond inside of them.”

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Choose the people you surround yourself with wisely.

That will make all the difference in your life.

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Need a little guidance to move forward?
Ask Janet anything.
Schedule a FREE Brainstorm Session with Janet.

The Nurturer in Me

(& Us as Women)

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Dar said “Whatever you do Janet, don’t get on that roller coaster with them. Just give them a hug and a kiss, wish them well, and remind them you’ll always be here when they get off.”

Ahhh… teenagers! Best advice I ever received. Of course, I didn’t completely follow her advice and Oh Boy, those roller coasters!

I would venture to say that not only are most mothers Nurturers but so are women in general. Quite literally, it’s in our very fiber. Over centuries, we’ve been the caretakers, the nurses, the cultivators, the nourishers.

Having been a mom since the age of 25, I have proudly worn that crown for over 37 years now, Mimi for over 12 years, and I wouldn’t trade that distinction for anything in the world.

I love being a mom and a Nurturer. For the longest time, being a mom and a Nurturer was my complete identity. Even after I started my business, when people asked me what I did I would lead with being a Mom. It took me a good three years before I started leading with Marketing. It’s still a strong part of my being - in the way I think, the way I care, the way I interact with people.

If you’ve taken the Money Quiz and Nurturer popped up as your primary or even in your top three you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Nurturers have the BIGGEST HEARTS! They’re naturally generous, driven to protect, shelter, and nurture others. They’re excellent friends and employees - devoted, reliable, loyal. They’re the first to run to someone’s aid - be it family, friend, client, or community.

TRUE STORY: I actually made a “So Sorry” casserole for the husband of the woman my husband had run off with because I felt so badly for him! Not sure why I didn’t make a casserole, or better yet a cake, for myself! That was beyond the call of duty!

You know what I used to hear all the time?

“Janet, you’re too nice?”

I would beam at the sound of it and wear it like a badge of honor wondering how could anyone possibly be TOO NICE?

I’d also hear…

“Janet, you’re the most patient person I’ve ever known.”

Yeeesss! Another badge for my sash of apparent self-worth.

“Too Nice. So Patient.”

I peacock-proudly wore my sash of “Too Nice, So Patient”, unconsciously attracting needy and entitled people into my orbit. Eventually, I would feel taken advantage of and resentful, only to find martyrdom sprawled on the couch in his sweatpants sucking down a beer living rent free.

As Nurturer’s, moving ourselves to the top of our To-Do list can be a serious struggle. Yet it’s critical… not only for our sense of worth but also for our bank balance.

ACTION STEP:

I use a concentric approach - beginning with the outermost circle and moving inward.

Imagine a bullseye target with 4 colors of circles (you pick the colors).

• Color 1: The inner circles are your family - kids, spouses, significant others, mom, dad, siblings, cousins, etc.

• Color 2: The next color group outside of family are your friends.

• Color 3: Next color group are your business circles - partners, employees, clients, colleagues.

• Color 4: The last color group of outer circles include your community - committees, boards, etc.

Get as specific as you like with your circles, identifying real people.

Identify the people in these circles and then ask yourself questions about your relationship with them that brings out the Nurturer in you. These questions will change as you go into your inner circles and the relationships become more personal.

• Do you over deliver to them?

• Do you allow them to not pay you in a timely manner?

• Do you secretly expect something in return from them?

• Do you internally feeling resentful of them?

• Do you feel they’re taking advantage of you?

• Do you lend them money?

Now that you’ve identified the feelings, you can begin to change your actions.

The absolute best help for me in voicing and delivering new boundaries is with scripts.

As a Nurturer, you’ve been too nice and so patient, so coming up with words, let alone saying them, can be completely foreign and downright terrifying.

Scripts are an important aspect in the Master Your Money Course to help you find the words and the courage to deliver them.

I promise you, Sweet Woman with the Biggest Heart Ever, once you actually say, or write, those words of loving boundaries, you will feel lighter, stronger, freer, and your heart will actually grow three sizes that day.

Sweetie, you are no Grinch and the farthest from it, but you have allowed him to sit on your couch for way too long. His name is likely Martyrdom or Resentful. It’s time he moves out.

And time for you to redefine your loving role as Nurturer with healthy boundaries…

Allowing you to stay as nurtured as the ones you nurture.

“Clear love is the kindest and strongest love.” - Janet Hutchens

“As women, we are the natural nurturers, yet we need to be nurtured to.
Begin by nurturing your mind with great thoughts about yourself.”

-Janet Hutchens

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Pricing Mistake #4

Women’s Most Common Pricing Mistakes

You know what I hate? Surprises.

Actually that’s completely and absolutely not true. I love surprises!!

Heck, I get giddy just thinking about a surprise party, a wrapped present, or even someone holding something behind their back - like flowers! Who doesn’t like those surprises? And everything’s better with a bow on it!

But no one likes surprises around money, unless of course it’s a lottery win or a rich Aunt’s bequest. Still waiting Auntie - wink, wink :)

You’ve worked through Mistake #5 - Working for Free for Too Long and taken a conscious step up your golden staircase of self-worth.

Congratulations Girl! High Five!

Pricing Mistake #4 is the typical next hurdle after conquering #5.

You’re charging now for your sparkling talents but it’s not enough.

And how do you know it’s not enough?

No… not because you did a competitive comparison.

You, my dear lovely Lady, know it in your gut–because you are inherently intuitive as a woman–and your gut doesn’t feel good at the completion of the job. Neither does your bank account.

You feel taken advantage of and maybe a tab resentful but you know you did it to yourself. Hmmm… self-sabotage again.

Compound that with the very bad advice you’ve heard to “under promise and over deliver", and Alice, that’s one nasty bottomless rabbit hole you keep jumping into!

Mistake #4: Under Charging and Over Delivering

I realize that over the past decade everyone seemed to be giving away stuff in order to draw people in but have you noticed how that’s beginning to change?

Over the past 2-3 years even the big guys, who appear to be able to “lose money”, have put on the breaks of Under Charging and Over Delivering. Netflix, Google, Warby Parker, Purple Mattress, Hootsuite, and on and on.

They still offer discounts and deals but even trial subscriptions are for less time and less benefits. Hey, everyone has bills to pay and no one wants to feel taken advantage of, even the big guys.

CLIENT EXAMPLE:

I was recently helping a client clean up their contacts and audiences in Mailchimp. which, by the way, I love! We deleted an audience in order to make another one only to find out too late that since she was on the “Legacy” Free Plan which originally allowed 3 audiences she could only have one now and the rules around her 2000 contacts changed too.

While Under Charging and Over Delivering may appear as two separate hurdles, they go hand in hand. When you Over Deliver you are automatically Under Charging because, let’s face it, you’re once again working for free.

Let’s tackle Over Delivering and in doing so the Under Charging should take care of itself.

Over Delivering. I know, I know, I know … ME TOO!

I just can’t help but want to help. It’s the Nurturer in me. I see the path and the solutions so clearly, and being a GSD Girl (Get Shit Done Girl), I just want to do it, say “DONE”, and check it off my list.

But Over Delivering is exactly the same as working for free.

Sure, they’ll like you but so does your goldfish. We’re seeking respect and value.

Time is money, Honey! By working too long on something, you’re giving away your time for free. Free does not, and will not, ever equal Value.

“A girl says her worth, a woman acts her worth.”

Imagine this Scenario:

You’re redoing your kitchen. Your builder shows you some amazing laminate countertop samples. You love them and the price too. Then you go visit your BFF and see her new granite counters! OMG, I want that granite!

What do you think your builder will do? Give you the granite at the same price as the laminate? Not a chance. He’ll make a change order detailing the additional cost, the new time frame, and probably some other changes needed as well to accommodate the granite. He doesn’t even think twice about it. It’s not just a change in product price, it’s also a change in time, labor, and expertise.

Time is money and your time is very, very valuable. We all only have 24 hours in a day… at least the last time I checked.

ACTION STEPS:

Step 1: Set an hourly rate for yourself. Determine what your time is worth. Even if you work by the project, you should have an hourly rate in your head. And by golly, only have one amount! Your brilliance is your brilliance! It doesn’t get discounted because you think you’re doing something menial. Menial is relative.

Step 2: Notice your triggers.

• Notice when and why you want to work above and beyond.

• Thank your triggers for their alarms. They exist to warn you. It’s up to you how you choose to react.

• Take a nice deep breath - breathing in the future and exhaling the past.

Step 3: Set Change Orders in motion before you jump down that rabbit hole again Alice!

By being clear on expectations and next steps you are not only valuing yourself but you’re also valuing your client and the work they have entrusted you with.

A little communication always goes a long way!

Repeat after me…

“Today, I will take a well-deserved and solid step up my glittering golden staircase of worth!”

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.”

-Joan Rivers

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My Money Personalities

I’m a Celebrity, a Maverick, and a complete and utter cock-eyed optimist. Actually, that last one isn’t one of the “official” money personalities. It’d probably be a combo of Romantic and Celebrity.

My official third one, and not necessarily as third, is Nurturer. No real surprise there as a mom of four and a Mimi of four. In fact, I consider myself a mom of eight by adding in my kids significant others. They’re my kids too. Why not? The more the merrier :)

I must admit I was both excited and worried that Celebrity had shone so brightly as my top money personality. I’ve taken the quiz five times to date and Celebrity always comes up as my number one or two.

Do I resonate with it?

Ahhh…. YEAH! Who doesn’t want to be a Celebrity!!!

This girl loves to go shopping and if it’s blingy - all the better. I love a party. I love a celebration. I love to dance. I found out I love the stage although most of my early years were spent being painfully shy. I’ve secretly always wanted to act and sing in public (nothing’s impossible - right?).

So all of that part of my money personality made perfect sense.

Then I looked deeper.

I saw:

• How the Celebrity had a tendency to go shopping when feeling stressed.

• How she may be using glitter and glam to overcompensate for not receiving approval or feeling enough in her earlier years.

• How showing wealth makes her feel like she’s protecting herself from negative opinions or the judgment of others.

That was a hard pill to swallow, but swallow it I did, because all of it was absolutely spot on and true.

It’s been 3 years now since I swallowed that pill of truth and it has made all the difference not only in my back account but in my career, my relationships, my happiness, and mostly my love for myself.

You see, prior to this, allowing others to see my vulnerabilities would be equal to sticking needles in my eyes.

Allowing myself to be loved for who I am, imperfections and all, has been a completely terrifying concept for me–something I’ve resisted all my life. Perhaps adding in that I’m a Virgo aka Perfectionist compounded it–like a 7 layer carrot cake–very heavy!

But now I joyfully celebrate both parts of me–my strengths and my challenges–with no shame and eyes and heart wide open.

I can physically feel my triggers when they happen and am awake enough now to pause, breathe, and decide the right course of action versus reaction. I now deal with the cause of the stress before it blossoms into a full-fledged mess.

Do I still go shopping?

You know it!!

I love shopping and I still love glam, glitter, and bling. But I don’t shop under duress or stress anymore. I do it consciously. My bank and retirement accounts are sustainably healthy as a result.

Another upside to this discovery? I’ve lost 25 pounds without even blinking. Turns out I did my share of stress eating too!

And another upside… I understand my clients better. By knowing their money personalities, I am better able to guide them based on what their innate strengths and challenges are. I can speak their language rather than expecting them to understand mine.

But the absolute best upside… I love me as a Celebrity and I’m not afraid to say it or show it anymore! It’s who I am :)

Combine that with Nurturer and Maverick and well … stayed tuned :)

Girl, celebrate the real you and step into your brilliance!

We’ve been waiting for you. We want you! We need you!

Pricing Mistake #5

Women’s Most Common Pricing Mistakes

I did an interview today for my friend, Thom Stimpel’s Entrepreneurs’ Guild podcast. He began by asking me what my biggest mistake was starting out as an entrepreneur. Without much hesitation, I told him not asking for help as a result of feeling unworthy.

It wasn’t about not feeling worthy of getting help but fearful that I would be exposed and revealed as not knowing enough, not smart enough, not being worthy of being in business, a fraud.

I had always felt, albeit unconsciously, that to have a business I needed to know everything there was about my field. To ask for help would be an omission of my holes, my gaps, my lack, my flaws.

Ugh. I still get a sick feeling in my gut just thinking about that time.

As a result, again unconsciously, my most common pricing mistake back then was #5 which is very common for many entrepreneurs starting out, particularly women.

I remember my son’s second grade teacher, Mrs. French, at the time telling me,

“Dear, don’t give your talents away.”

She clearly saw something in me I didn’t.

Boy, those 2nd grade teachers… they are gems! Such vision and insight into both kids and parents! Teachers Rock!!

It took me years though before I was able to stop giving my work away for free and it was all attached to my sense of worth (or lack thereof), my need to be liked, and definitely a people pleasing thing (ahhh… my Nurturer personality).

The dreaded Disease to Please festers into Common Mistake #5 - Working for Free for Too Long.

However, it’s never enough to simply say you are no longer going to work for free. You need to set a new intention. A very conscious and deliberate one.

An example:

Oprah did an interview in which she talks about her Disease to Please.

She didn’t understand why she would give and give and give and people would keep coming back for more. She thought she had given enough. However it wasn’t until she realized the real reason behind her actions of giving was to be liked, not necessarily to be respected or valued, that things changed.

“People kept coming back for more because that was the unconscious intention I had set - to be liked. Once I changed my intention for giving the result changed.”

When we become conscious and clear in our intentions we’re able to set boundaries and clearly communicate them without guilt, fear, or resentment - with our heads held high radiating respect for ourselves and our work.

Be prepared that some people may be disappointed when you change your intentions. They won’t understand why you “have changed” and may not like the new you. However, those are the Naysayers and they will always have their own agenda.

The people who will never be disappointed are your True Believers and they will cheer you on as you rise to your brilliance.

“Working for free tells a lie about what you are worth.”

If you’ve been working for free for too long it’s time to correct it - otherwise you’re just a Volunteer.

• Step 1: Explore your unconscious intentions of why you’re working for free.

• Step 2: Define 3 clear intentions of why you would give or do something for free.

• Step 3: Tell someone in your business circle what those intentions are. (That’s helps to make it feel real and actionable.)

Get your worthy up Girl and live your light!

Gate? What gate?

Ever feel like there’s a barrier in front of you every time you try to move ahead in business and particularly in your money situation?

• “Why the heck can’t I break through my usual monthly income?”

• “How does Bethenny keep making more money with no apparent effort?”

• “Maybe if I just meditated every single day on manifesting the perfect love and endless money it would happen.”

• “Maybe I just don’t deserve more money or a job I love.”

OR THE CLASSIC….

“Well… we all know what happened to that girl who got everything she ever wanted!”

Yeah, she lived happily every after and I’m the first to admit that I want to be like Barbie. That bitch has everything and in unapologetic pink! (Kidding. Ahhh, not kidding :)

Seriously though, why can’t you earn more money? What’s stopping you?

SPOILER ALERT:

How you do MONEY is how you do EVERYTHING!

The shortest path to breaking through your glass ceilings of money, love, health, career, everything … is to look at how you do money.

“There is no real security except for whatever you build inside yourself.’
- Gilda Radner

Once you understand your strengths and challenges surrounding money, and make conscious, deliberate, and consistent actions, not only will your money situation improve, but so will your relationships, your career, your physical health, your mental health, your happiness, your sense of freedom, your creativity, and on and on and on.

This bears repeating…

How you do MONEY is how you do EVERYTHING!

"Gaining clarity was like having a lighthouse on my head. Now I’m never in the dark and can make adjustments before any storm hits.” - Susan, Austin, TX

• Self-awareness opens the gate to possibility

• Possibility extends hands of opportunities

• Opportunities lead to paths of freedom

• Freedom gives rise to happiness

“What gate? Do you see a gate? I don’t see a gate. All I see is a glistening gilded path of possibility directing me to a warm light of freedom.”

That’s my Maverick money personality talking. I’m also a Celebrity and a Nurturer. No surprise there.

What are you money personalities saying and doing?
And how are they guiding and affecting your life?

Failure in the Fog

One thing I know for sure… if you’re trying to serve everyone, eventually everyone will become unhappy… including yourself.

Learning from history.

President Lincoln is said to have modified it for his 1856 speech using “fool” instead of “please”. The original is credited to John Lydgate.

“You can please some of the people all of the time or all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

The value of niching down was obvious even then - 165 years ago!

As a women and a nurturer at heart, trying to serve everyone actually has you acting as a big fog machine around your business - just blowing smoke and uncertainty about your purpose, your passion, your services, and who your ideal clients are.

Yet you wonder why prospects won’t follow you into the fog. Why should they? How can they develop trust in vagueness? They want specifics solutions for their very specific problems.

Ladies, you MUST get specific!

• Specificity leads to Clarity

• Clarity allows you to Create a System

• That System provides the Path to Solutions

• And solutions are what prospects and clients are looking for

Here’s an analogy:

You just bought a house with 6 bedrooms as an investment property. Every bit of it needs upgrading - renovations, new paint, decorating. Your goal is to get it up and running as a rental property in one year.

Do you do a little bit in every room each day? OR Do you start and finish one room at a time?

As women, we are champions at multi-tasking but it’s never the right approach in business, or ever really. Doing a little in every room may seem the right path and potentially satisfying as you see a “wider” view of progress. My initial thinking as a perfectionist Virgo may be, ”Heck, I could paint all the rooms at the same time and have only one set of clothes destroyed with paint.”

The right approach is to do one room at a time.

The narrow and focused path always gets you to your destination clearer and faster. “Clearer” and “Faster” are the operative words here!

Did you know that “sunny” is a synonym for “clear”? Love that!! So, you’ll get there with more sunshine in your heart too!

Consider these immediate benefits:

• If you finish one room at a time you could start renting out those as you complete the others, bringing in revenue earlier than by doing it bit-by-bit.

• You’ll garner valuable intel on what your renters want and need and make modifications to the other rooms as you finish them.

Your niche is that first room you work on.

What’s the style? Who do you want to stay there? What will you provide to them? What’s the experience you want them to receive?

Here’s an example of how you could apply it to your business:

• The house (broad niche): Consulting & Coaching for Women Family-Owned Businesses

• Room #1: Business Consulting - One-on-One

• Room #2: Transition Consulting - One-on-One

• Room #3: Leadership Coaching - One-on-One

Now get even more specific:

• Room #4: Business Coaching - Online Course

• Room #5: Transition Coaching - Online Course

• Room #6: Leadership Coaching - Online Course

Notice how I start with a small core group with one-on-one consulting and then expand out to a larger audience with online courses. Get even more specific with other demographics: income, age, geography, types of businesses (products or services), etc. The more specific, the more people understand exactly what you do and who you work with.

Ladies, stop blowing fog around your business and get into clear blue skies.

Get specific and stay on a focused path… your clients and you will reap the benefits from it!

Niche down to profit up. It ALWAYS, ALWAYS works!

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Need a little guidance on niching down?
Schedule a Free 20-minute Brainstorm Session with me and let’s see if I can get you started. Easy-peasey :)

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Are you worthy of higher prices?

SPOILER ALERT: Your bank balance is often in direct line with your sense of worth. If it’s low so is your sense of worth.

But to answer the question in the title … YES, YOU ARE! You are completely worthy!

So how do you raise your worth (and your prices)?

Look to your wisdom.

Are you really asking for your true worth based on your true wisdom OR does this happen?

• Gripped with guilt when thinking about increasing your prices?

• Stressed about losing clients if you raise your fees?

• Worried about those who may not be able to afford your services?

• Back down when getting push back on your prices?

Those who strictly offer services fall victim far more easily to the worth trap than those who offer products simply because products have overhead that need to be incorporated into the price, however even product price structure has an evolution too.

Here’s the deal. Nothing is cast in stone and you’re not alone. Everyone starts out in business not feeling entirely worthy of their true worth and their prices usually reflect it.

Doing a price comparison of similar businesses is good to do but what’s far more important is to do an evaluation of your wisdom.

What’s your level of wisdom?

• How many years of education do you have?

• How many years of experience do you have?

• How many people have you helped?

Now let’s look at your other wisdoms!

The wisdoms that people all your life, even when you were little, have relied on you for. Your innate wisdom, your natural wisdom, your god given gifts and talents.

YOUR …

Patience, Courage, Reliability, Humor, Calmness, Flexibility, Structure, Fearlessness, and of course more!

All of those innate gifts and natural talents combined with your life experience and education make up your true wisdom.

Take a deep inventory. I guarantee the breadth and culmination of your wisdoms are quite impressive. Now give yourself a huge pat on the back, review your pricing, and assure it reflects the complete sum of your wisdom.

Girl, you’re an entrepreneur so you have to set your own bar. What you provide is uniquely and intrinsically YOU! I review my prices at least every six months and make necessary adjustments.

Remember, nothing is cast in stone. As your wisdom, talents, confidence, and sense of worth grow so should everything in your business, especially your pricing.

“You are completely and totally worthy of every dream and wish you have.
Dream on!
By so, you are creating light that shines a path for others.”

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Need to reaffirm or discover your innate talents? Take my Free Money Personality Quiz. Yes, it’ll reveal your money personalities which also reveal your innate strengths and challenges.
Soooo worthy of 8 minutes for sure!

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Confusing Your Passion with Your Purpose . . . Get Gifting!

“What if I fall?”
“Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”

We were all crowded around the kitchen island as usual, debating the ways of the world. Jaden, my 5-year-old grandson, was among us.

“Hey Jaden, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked him.

“Well, I’m not going to be just one thing!” Jaden exclaimed. “I’m going to be lots of things! A paleontologist, an artist, a fisherman, an actor, a builder, a soccer star, and some other things too.”

My twenty-something niece leaned into me and secretly whispered to me, “What’s a paleontologist?”

Adults these days!

You hear it all the time . . . Follow your passion and everything in your life will instantly become roses, rainbows, and unicorns. And let’s not forget the money piece — money will immediately flow to you like water through a hacked Harlem hydrant in mid-July. HA!

One of my passions is golf, and while I do practice and work at it, I have never broken 80 — and the chances of that are getting slimmer. Nevertheless, I am passionate about golf . . . to the point, in fact, that I have been known to announce that I was going to the grocery store only to head to the range to practice my fairway woods and return home (once again) with no milk or bread. Oops!

I love everything about golf . . . the courses, the clothes, the equipment, the clubhouses, the people, the peace and beauty of being out on gorgeous, meticulously manicured stretches of green for hours on end. I even love the mental challenge — me against me. I work at my visualization, focus, and mind control, and if I do say so myself, I am a pretty good putter. I can literally see the line . . . well, most of the time . . . if the conditions are just right. So, what are the chances of changing my life significantly, contributing to the greater good, and supporting myself — all based on my golf game? Absolutely nil! It’s a passion though.

I have other passions too. I’m passionate about painting, design, and aesthetics. I’m passionate about the psychology of business and marketing. And I’m passionate about helping people find their purpose, understanding what makes them tick, inspiring them — and seeing them happy and flourishing. And I’m pretty good at those things too.

Defining my passions was easy. Discovering my gifts proved to be much harder. Until I did some soul-searching and talked with friends, colleagues, and family, I didn’t have much of a clue what my gifts were. But when I looked back on the roles I’d often ended up in throughout my life, I was surprised to realize that, while terribly shy at heart, I’d been pushed into leadership roles my entire life, even when I was little.

Here’s an example. Before I was due to start fourth grade, my mother, a language and reading special ed teacher, concluded that my brothers and I had dyslexia, so she plucked us out of the public school and enrolled us in a private day school.

A few weeks into the new school year, our teacher announced that a Playground Committee was being formed to offer advice on the new playground being built that year. Each class would be electing one representative to serve on the committee. And — you guessed it — I was elected our class representative, even though I was horribly shy, the only new kid in the class, and entirely new to the school. So, there it was — the first of a very long line of leadership roles throughout my life, most of which I have resisted.

Upon reflection, I realized that leadership is one of my gifts, and that, while I’d seen myself as painfully shy most of my life, others saw me differently. They still do. They place me in positions to represent them and to voice their opinions. I guess I’m a good listener and can articulate well too — other gifts.

A Gift or a Passion

Your gifts and your passions are two distinctly different things. Most people zero in on their passions only, and that’s where the mistake can happen and lead to confusion, disappointment, and frustration. Understanding the difference between the two is where the magic happens.

Your gifts are what you give to the world. They’re your natural abilities that spill out onto everyone around you without you even realizing it. You may not immediately recognize them or see them at all, but they’re there — and they are all yours! Your gifts are your innate abilities, extensions of your deepest beliefs and values that appear effortlessly in your personality and in your interactions with others. They can present as natural strengths and a type of deeper knowledge or understanding. Your gifts are not the same as your talents, skills, or abilities — instead, they are distinct aspects of your personality.

Your passions? Those are what you want from the world. They’re all those things you do that make your heart sing, give you authentic energy, and surround you with peace and joy when you’re doing them. Your passions are what you seek, not necessarily what others seek you out for.

At the Crossroads of Purpose

Your life’s work stands at the intersection of your gifts, your deepest values, your passions, and your skills, talents, and expertise. That crossroads is the epicenter of your purpose. The ideal life brings your passions and your gifts into perfect alignment — to create your best contribution.

One of my deepest beliefs is that the absolutely sole reason we are here on Earth is to help one another. Our “big picture” purpose is to contribute to the greater good of humankind, the world, and the universe. While daily life can easily — and frequently does — get in the way and can lead us down paths of default rather than desire, it’s important to remember that our true happiness exists at that intersection of passions and gifts.

I bet you can jot down your passions, talents, and skills pretty easily, right? But can you list your gifts and your deepest values just as easily?

The Green Light to Your Ideal Life

Here’s a simple exercise to help you begin discovering your ideal life.

• Fold two sheets of paper into four quadrants.

• Unfold them, and on each one, write Gifts in the top left, Deepest Values in the top right, Passions in the bottom left, and Talents, Skills, and Expertise in the bottom right.

• On one sheet write “ME” at the top, On the other, write ”OTHERS.”

• On the “ME” sheet, start listing things in each of those categories.

• Circle around the paper. As you write one thing in Deepest Values, it may spark a thought about Gifts or Passions.

• Take your time — a few days if you like. It’s a process, and reflection can help hone your thoughts.

• On the second piece of paper, list what others say about you.

• Ask a few people — those who have known you your whole life, others who know you from work, and still others related to your activities and hobbies — what they would list for you in each of those categories.

• Compare the two sheets. See the commonalities and also the differences? Do you see a theme running through the categories?

• Circle the common answers in each category on each paper, and then congratulate yourself! This is where you can begin to reveal your purpose and your ideal life.

Oh . . . and make sure you have fun with this exercise! Fun is a major element, an absolute necessity, in one’s purpose and ideal life.

Happy Discovering! Get Gifting.

Remember. . . Everything really is better with a bow on it. :)

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Need some help in getting started on your ideal and business? Let’s get you going. Sign up for my Getting Started With Janet program.

Lightning in a Bottle

A few years ago I spoke with a medium, a psychic. Toward the end of our conversation, she told me that my father had come forward and wanted to apologize for not being more present in my life when I was younger.

This confused me at first, because I had always felt I had an awesome childhood. Reflecting deeper, I realized my Dad and I had not spent much time together at all. In fact, the only time I can recall was when, at age seven or eight, he took me on my first flight in his plane and we flew over Mount Monadnock in southern New Hampshire. I’ll never forget seeing those hikers, how tiny they all looked, and how unusual the perspective was viewing them from above. It was magical. And… we don’t know what we don’t know.

I’m the youngest of six and that is more likely the reason Dad and I didn’t get to spend much time together. I often describe myself as being “born into a crowd” and being “raised by wolves” (the wolves aspect is for another blog). I think that’s why I crave alone time yet feel simultaneously excited and at peace with a flurry of people rushing around me, whether it’s my big Scottish family or a pod of strangers.

Dad didn’t have much opportunity to spend alone time with me with my five siblings vying for attention, in both positive and negative forms, and working ten-to twelve-hour days to provide for his large family. It was controlled chaos from sun up to way past sun down.

The living room was his sanctuary. The couch fortressed with his magazines - Scientific American, National Geographic, Barron’s, and Arizona Highways, and his state-of-the-art Telefunken stereo blasted jazz, the Boston Symphony, or the Pops at any given time.

As kids we never hung out in the living room—that was our parents’ respite after family dinner. The six of us would jam ourselves in front of the TV in the small family room off the kitchen, a quarter of the size of the living room, squished together on the couch or on the floor, with one lucky person, usually Jamie, getting the coveted lone leather wing chair.

Dad was a brilliant man trapped between the life he was expected to live and the Renaissance man deep in his soul. He towed the line as the eldest and only son—Exeter, Yale, Harvard, then dutifully joining my grandfather’s firm, Fish and Richardson, as patent attorney. His Renaissance-ness was evident everywhere while I was growing up.

He designed our first house in Swampscott with Frank Lloyd Wright flair, and it was scattered with his design/build “early Kirkpatrick” mahogany furniture—very sleek and European in style. After a vacation to Germany in 1960, no doubt to escape from the six of us, he had the 1960 Porsche Super 90 he and Mom rented to tour the country shipped over because he admired and appreciated its precision engineering. Unheard of in that era.

A consummate gardener, Dad sought out unusual specimens to enhance our small yard; a Sequoia Redwood now soars 100-plus feet in our former side yard. He modeled the kitchen in the new house after industrial kitchen design with two separate ovens underneath a sprawling cooktop and center grill, three separate units and all stainless. Again, unheard of for a simple residence in 1960. No avocado-green range for my dad! And yes, he loved to cook, delighting in new-found flavor combinations and techniques a la The Galloping Gourmet.

He sailed and boated, piloted his own plane, skied, scuba dived, dabbled in photography, and played indoor badminton like nobody’s business, all the while keeping in step with the proverbial drummer of my grandparents’ expectations.

Yet when opportunities presented themselves to gently chide my grandparents’ aristocratic lifestyle, he did so with loving and poignant humor.

“Marty, you need to name your house. You live on the Neck now and everyone names their home. Pick a proper name.”, my grandmother insisted.

“Mom, I am happy to report that after deep and thoughtful consideration, we have chosen a name for our abode. We shall name her ‘Mar-Mar’ to represent the two of us, Marty and Marion, and I will personally paint it in large red letters on the big rock at the bottom of the driveway so it’s not to be missed.” I have no question my grandmother drove by daily for weeks paralyzed with fear that he’d do it.

But as the years went by, the daily pull of towing the line dragged him down, and the playful and inventive Renaissance man dissipated. His light began to fade. The scotch may have assisted in diluting it, but I think age and some sense of regret may have been the heavier weights. He would drive, not walk, the one-tenth mile to the yacht club, take the launch out to his sailboat, and just sit there. He wouldn’t go sailing or even invite anyone aboard. He would just sit there, probably reading, but mostly watching as everyone else and the world moved around him.

Was it the life that he created, one in which he remained the dutiful son under the weight of an expectant lifestyle, that snuffed out this Renaissance man? When did his light get stifled? When did he become just lightning in a bottle?

I’ve wondered lately what is that main thing that holds me back from taking action.

• Why do I restrain from voicing my opinion or sharing my artwork and my writing?

• What is it that makes me afraid of showing my light and my brilliance?

• What stops me when I know with one thousand percent certainty that stepping beyond my comfort zone will make my life richer and more fulfilling than I ever imagined and in endless ways?

For me I think it’s exposure. To some that may seem odd, but I am, in my core, very, very shy. In fact, I’m even uncomfortable taking my daily power walk so I tend to seek out complicated routes of small streets. I am afraid of people seeing me, being noticed. As the youngest of six, I realize I was most comfortable being in the background, even though I have always known I am meant to step forward. And I must step forward.

When pondering over what holds you back and what your fears are in creating the life of your dreams, take a look back to what your role was as a child.

• Are you still in that role?

• Do you take a step toward your goals and then pull yourself back?

• Why do you stay in your child role?

• To be accepted, loved, and feel safe?

While your child role may feel comfortable to you, it could be that it is only comfortable because it is familiar to you and was expected of you. But being too comfortable and familiar does not allow us to grow or for our hearts to sing.

I’m not suggesting you throw away that role. It’s a critical and important part of you and damn, it feels good to go back to now and then. Just be aware of it and how it may be restraining you from doing what you know in your heart you want to do and be.

At the end of my conversation with the medium, she told me that when the vision of my father left her, he dispersed into a thousand fireflies. “When you see a firefly, know your father is with you,” she said.

Pop the cork and release your light! It’s never, ever, ever too late. No matter your age or circumstances. Every day is a new opportunity to live the life that is singing in your heart. Take even one small step each day outside of your comfort zone, even a toe dip will do. With each step, and each toe dip, the water will become more familiar and comfortable.

Now go out, you Brilliant One, and be that firefly! Someone needs to see you flying freely.

Live Your Light!

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GROWTH STEP: Think back to your childhood and journal on the following questions.

• What was your child role in your family?

• Are there aspects of that role in your other adult relationships?

• Do you like that role?

• Do you want to step beyond that role?

• Has that role held you back from doing things in you life?

• What are those things?

My Perfect Day

I was having dinner with my friend, Rob, at the bar. It was a Friday and the alums were in town, so the place was packed. As the night wore on, the crowd thinned, likely off to their obligatory class dinners.

A new couple sat down next to us, joined by their college-age daughter. The dad was the alum, a pleasant-looking man in his mid-sixties, slightly overweight but very content and relaxed in his demeanor. An orthopedic surgeon from Philadelphia, the wife proudly revealed.

I asked her what she did in Philadelphia and she announced she was a cosmetic surgeon. “No way!”, I thought. I just didn't believe it. Clearly, she’d had plenty of “procedures,” but she did not have the bedside manner of a surgeon. He did, that was evident, but she was something else.

Quite audibly and outrageously the spokesperson for their small group—loud and touchy—her energy hit me like a herd of buffalo. I instinctually sucked in my stomach, sat taller, chin up, tits up, shoulders back, and prayed she wouldn't see the multitude of flaws in my face. Damn, why didn’t I make that Botox appointment! At least my hair looked good. She had a visceral hold on me.

She boasted about her age and how wonderful she looked in spite of it.

“Do you work out?” Rob asked. (He’s really into his Peloton exercise bike right now.)

“Don’t I look like I work out?” she demanded, as she straightened and twisted so we could admire her slim profile. We assured her that she looked fantastic, especially for her age.

I sat back, mildly regretting the potatoes I inhaled along with the salmon. They were so good though. “Peel the onion,” I thought. “Peel the onion.”

“So what do you do that brings you joy?” It slowed her down a touch, but she recovered nicely.

“Oh, my work brings me joy and of course, my family and my friends too,” she said, hugging her husband from behind.

“But what do you do just for yourself that gives you joy?” I asked.

“I’m a very busy person.”

OK, I thought, time for a change of tack. “Coming about!” I bellowed in my head.

“Today I wrote out what my perfect day would be. Have you ever done that? It was surprisingly difficult. It took me over 3 hours. There were things I was afraid to write down at first because they felt so outrageous. But, you know, as I thought more about them, I realized they just made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t feel worthy of them. Once I worked through my fears of worthiness, things flowed and it was really fun. I also realized that some of the things in my perfect day exist right now in my daily life. That was a bright spot.”

“So what is your perfect day?” she asked.

Aha! It worked! Just the opening I was looking for. I went on to describe exactly what my perfect day was in vivid detail. I had no trouble remembering it because by writing it down I had already lived it once in my mind and in my heart. It was exhilarating to describe it again. I added more detail, the Gingerlily Molton Brown body wash in the shower, the colors of the Italian tile we had custom made for the foyer, even the details of that perfect 40-foot putt that earned me 20 bucks and my best-ever golf score. Smells. Sounds. It became more and more real, more possible, more of exactly what I want.

She laughed here and there. At first, it bothered me. Who is she to be laughing at my dreams? But I realized that I too had started out laughing at my dreams, thinking they were an impossibility and that I wasn’t worthy of them. But what I really couldn’t ignore was the feeling inside of me as I shared them. That airy and warm summer breeze of peace and joy that softly caresses your face. It was dreamy. It was heady. It was intoxicating. I wouldn’t need that nightcap.

She was the first person with whom I had ever shared my perfect day. We’re often told the best way to put someone at ease and to break the ice is to ask questions about them—get them to talk because generally people love talking about themselves. However, I’ve found you can’t always be assured of candidness. In fact, let’s face it, those first encounters are often encrusted with the gems and jewels our egos choose to flash about.

When you start the peeling and revealing of your onion layers and expose your vulnerabilities, what matters to you, and your aspirations and dreams, becoming more transparent and odiferous, it opens the door and allows others to lower their guard and peel and reveal along with you.

The real benefit though, is what it does to you and for you by how it makes you feel.

“Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
—George Bernard Shaw

A covey of classmates swooped in on them and she was carried away in conversation. I googled her when I got home. Yup, she is a cosmetic surgeon in Philadephia. Good on her.

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GROWTH STEP: Set aside some time in the next few days to write out your perfect day. Give yourself at least two hours of uninterrupted time. Don’t rush it. It’s an energizing, painful, and delightful experience. And YES, you can have everything you want!!! So don’t hold back!

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“We have enough people who tell it like it is. Now we could use a few who tell it like it could be.” —Robert Orden

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Click to LEARN MORE About "Discovering Your Brilliance"

To read what my perfect day is go to: Janet's Perfect Day

Heart-Centered Businesses. Baloney or Bonafide?

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

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Recently, I contacted two long-term clients that I’ve been working with for over a decade, telling each that it was time to upgrade their websites. In both cases, the aging website platforms had become more susceptible to hacking due to the older third-party extensions, the overall design and layout of the sites were dated, and better options in functionality and features existed in newer platforms.

One client (Client A) is at the top of her industry, working with very high-end clients, and the other one (Client B) is a “wannabe high-end” company that services mid-range clients. During the course of our business relationship, I’ve doubted Client B’s ability to move to the top, and today the reason became crystal clear.

Client A greeted my proposal with excitement and appreciation, thankful for my watchful eye on the functionality of her website and grateful for my knowledge on the newer website technologies. She responded to my suggestion within two days and eagerly set up a meeting to get things going.

Client B was a different story. It took seven follow-up emails and multiple phone messages over eleven weeks to finally get a response.

Me: “Hi, reaching out again about the website upgrade. I’ve mentioned my concerns and the benefits in prior emails. I’m happy to meet or chat about it at your convenience. Let me know.”

Client B: “I’m sorry. I’m already working on a new website with another vendor.”

Me: “Is there something you are unhappy about with our work?”

Client B: “Not unhappy at all. Just found a vendor that can do sites for a lot less.”

(My inner dialogue — “WHAT!?! We’ve worked together for over ten years, and you are dumping me like this over an estimate without giving me the respect of a conversation? Over money rather than service? Where’s the loyalty? Where’s the respect?”)

Me: “Ok, sorry to hear that and best of luck.”

And that’s when it hit me: Client B will never, ever, ever get to the top — and now I know exactly why! It’s all about where her focus is centered.

A Fork in the Road

We’ve all seen the rise in popularity of the “Heart-Centered business trend: “How to become a heart-centered business” and “Why it makes a difference.” When it originally came into popularity I felt it came off as overly spiritual, focused more on coaching and counseling businesses, and generally directed at women. I hadn’t given it much merit, but the more I thought about it and looked at the differences between Clients A and B, I realized that it’s actually nothing new and that it’s been the hallmark for successful businesses forever.

I detected two distinct schools of thought and saw that every business places more value on one or the other . . . “Heart-Centered” or “Money-Centered.” And that, my friends, will make all the difference in your journey.

Why won’t Client B get to the top? You guessed it — she’s money-centered. The value of her customer and vendor relationships are focused first and foremost on money. I’m not implying that she doesn’t consider her customers’ needs and the quality of her product, but money takes precedence in her decision-making — instead of building strong and enduring relationships. While she skimps and saves here and there and stares at the bottom line rather than into her customers’ eyes, she is quietly burning bridges instead of building them.

The value of Client A’s relationships to her customers, vendors, contractors — everyone, in fact — is focused on heart and grounded in respect, loyalty, and the value of building long-term relationships. And that is exactly why she enjoys being the most sought-after builder in her area and has been for years. Her business model is clearly a mirror of her personal inherent core values. What sets her apart is that she makes everyone she meets feel valued. And when customers feel valued by a business, they’re more than willing to go the extra mile and recommend that business to their friends and acquaintances.

Now, who do you think I will end up referring people to in the future? Client A or Client B?

Where’s the beef? Or is it baloney?

There’s no baloney about it. It’s the beef! Being a heart-centered business has nothing to do with spirituality, coaching, women — none of that. It’s plain and simple values and ethics. Every business owner can and should be heart-centered, no matter whether you are an accountant, a lawyer, a realtor, or a car dealer. My friend Amanda Grappone, owner of Grappone Auto in New Hampshire, is changing the face and perception of “the car salesman” by instilling her heart-centered philosophy and implementing its related practices throughout her business. Her heart-centered style naturally spills out onto everyone and everything around her because she lives it in her core. Her staff is happy, her customers are happy, she’s happy. And the icing on the cake? It’s contributed to a healthy increase in the company’s bottom line as well.

You are what you eat.

You know what you should eat and what your core craves. The core values and ethics that you live your life by mirror your health and that of your business too. Take a very careful look at them. How healthy is your life? How about your business? Do you need to make a shift in what you value? Is it time for a detox?

For me, these are the essential components of a heart-centered business:

• Authenticity

• Transparency

• Consistent Communication

• Accessibility

• Focus on Building Long-Term Relationships

• Mutually Beneficial Outcomes

And these are the benefits:

• Loyalty

• Trust

• Respect

• Honesty

• Long-Term Relationships

• Mutually Beneficial Outcomes

• A Healthy Stream of Referrals

• A Healthy Bottom Line

• FUN & HAPPINESS IN BUSINESS AND LIFE!

What’s on your plate?

Hey, I’m not against making money — not at all! I love making money! We all need it to pay our bills, to live and provide for ourselves and our families, and to give back. But what I have noticed is that business owners who have a greater focus on money versus service and communication do not enjoy a long and fruitful life. Their journey is a constant struggle peppered with inconsistent clients and cash flow and resulting in stress and a shifting foundation.

Money-centered businesses never enjoy real security because they’re always looking for the next check and for ways to skimp and save rather than business flowing effortlessly to them from referrals. Businesses built on a heart-centered foundation, however, enjoy security freely because their foundation is reinforced with trust, respect, loyalty, honesty, and compassion. Security comes from building long-term relationships based on authentic communication and focused on mutually beneficial outcomes.

You’ve likely heard the concept that money is energy. Well, I finally understood this when I saw the differences between Client A and Client B. It really comes down to this: Heart-Centered = Relationship-Centered; Money-Centered = Self-Centered.

So, what’s on your plate? How are you getting energy? And how are you giving it . . . through communication, respect, mutual benefits, and understanding? Or from the dough?

And forget what you’ve heard about sweets: Don’t eat dessert first. . . . It’s not good for your heart (or your bottom . . . line).

Did Life Get in the Way… Again?

Did life get in the way– AGAIN? We all have a spark within us. It may sit dormant for many years but it’s never too late and you’re never too old to awaken it and share it with the world and more importantly with YOU!

Your brilliance will delight the world and delight you in all the joy and fulfillment it brings to you. When you’re in “The Zone” – your Brilliance, your Genius Zone, you absolutely know it. It’s a state of pure and utter joy–no ego, no worries, no fears, no competition.

For over 50 years I was keeping myself safe and quiet. As Gay Hendricks describes in his book The Big Leap, I was keeping myself in my Zones of...

Incompetence (what you’re not good at but do anyway)

Competence (what you’re good at and so are a lot of other people), and

Excellence (what you excel at and do for the accolades, money, and ego - not because your passionate it about it)

I was resisting breaking through my glass ceiling and elevating to my Genius Zone - the zone of creativity, joy, pure fulfillment, and happiness. But why?

Each day I found myself deeper in the "Hamster Wheel of Life"– super busy and financially successful but unfulfilled and frustrated. It’s safe to play small. It’s safe to place others ahead of you. It’s safe to not give yourself a voice. And it’s safe to play the victim and make excuses that your life is the result of what others have done to you. But we are all solely responsible for our own happiness.

It took me 50+ years to break into my Genius Zone, place myself first, and live in my Brilliance. Oh, I would dabble in it occasionally, but would sink back down into the safe zones to be “safe” and stroke my ego.

Yet, I had always felt that there was something bigger for me to do, a bigger contribution to make, and I knew the only way to get there was to be in my Genius Zone for extended periods of time.

So, I decided to put myself first and it was hard! As a woman and mother of 4 grown kids and 4 grandkids putting myself first was not what I was taught. It took conscious practice and daily commitment to make the shift.

I started small, making myself the priority first thing in the morning for just one hour rather than attending to others “nigglies” as I call them – all those little nudging requests by clients and family, which you rationalize as being quick and easy to cross off the list but end up consuming your time and sucking you down into the rabbit hole.

Now, I’m “unavailable” until at least 1pm 6 days a week and entirely the 7th day of the week – working and living in my Brilliance, which for me is creating, designing, writing, and painting. My year end goal is to expand that to all of Friday through Monday, and half of Tuesday through Thursday. Think I can do it?

How much time do you spend in your Brilliant or Genius Zone?

Are ready to get out of your Incompetent and Competent Zones altogether?

Are you ready to stop playing safe and small?

Are you ready to give yourself a voice?

Are you ready to bring that spark to life once again and keep it lit for extended periods of time?

Don’t let other peoples lives get in the way of yours anymore.

This is your life - LIVE IT!

Live Your Light!

Where Are You Fishing? In a Blue Ocean or a Red One?

Do you know your competition? How they're marketing? Who their target market is? How they sell?

Good. You should. But that’s not where your focus, time, or energies should be invested.

What if your business could be in a league of its own instead of competing with others in your industry? What if you were setting the pace, creating unique products and living a “Blue Ocean Strategy”?

The term is derived from the book "Blue Ocean Strategy" (Harvard Business Review Press, expanded edition, 2015), by W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne. It describes how companies traditionally work in "red ocean"conditions, where businesses viciously fight against each other for a share of the marketplace. Instead, according to the blue ocean strategy, organizations should find a way to work in a marketplace that is free of competitors.

I know it’s been said that there is no reason to recreate the wheel but we can always make a better wheel! Seriously, look at how many versions of the actual wheel have been created since its inception in the late Neolithic age (9500–6500 BCE). Endless.

I believe the concept of Blue Ocean Strategy begins with an inward perspective - an initial perspective, which many times gets lost. Often businesses begin because they feel they can be better than their competition, and in fact they can. They go into business with all the grandest intentions of changing the norm in their industry, but all too often they fall into… well… the business of being in business. Their grand intentions are forgotten and they slip into “competing” rather than “innovating”.

The logic behind Blue Ocean strategy is innovation, focusing less on competition and more on alternatives. Being creative versus copycat. While we can learn boatloads from past entrepreneurs, business successes and failures, it’s our individual brilliance and creativity we must tap into, hold sacred, and shine for the world to see.

To tap into your potential blue ocean, Kim and Mauborgne argue that businesses and entrepreneurs should consider their "Four Actions Framework." The framework poses four key questions:

Raise: What factors should be raised well above the industry's standard?

Eliminate: Which factors that the industry has long competed on should be eliminated?

Reduce: Which factors should be reduced well below the industry's standard?

Create: Which factors should be created that the industry has never offered?

Kim and Mauborgne said that this exercise forces companies to scrutinize every factor of competition, helping leaders discover the range of assumptions they unconsciously make while competing.

Examples of Blue Ocean Strategy

One popular example of blue ocean strategy is Cirque du Soleil, which achieved revenues that took Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey more than a century to attain.

"Cirque did not make its money by competing within the confines of the existing industry or by stealing customers from Ringling and the others," Kim and Mauborgne wrote in the Harvard Business Review magazine. "Instead, it created uncontested market space that made the competition irrelevant. It pulled in a whole new group of customers who were traditionally noncustomers of the industry — adults and corporate clients who had turned to theater, opera or ballet and were, therefore, prepared to pay several times more than the price of a conventional circus ticket for an unprecedented entertainment experience."

Southwest Airlines is another example. Southwest tapped into a customer base who preferred driving to air travel due to the lower cost. Instead of competing with other airlines, Southwest positioned itself as an alternative to cars and offered reduced prices, improved check-in times and increased flight frequency.

"This new combination created an offering that enabled the customer to benefit from the high traveling speeds of an airplane at low prices combined with the flexibility of traveling by car," Blue Ocean Strategy Partners writes on its website.

So, where are you currently fishing? In a blue ocean or a red one? Are you focused on the competition or on you and your uniqueness? It’s easy to end up in the red ocean, most businesses do. The red ocean is survival and its bloody. The blue ocean is where you’ll THRIVE!