Mastering Feedback
The Art of Asking & Receiving
I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks back.
It started out around Einstein’s quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.”
She had heard it lots of times in the past but this time it really hit her. Her new job was exactly the same as the previous one. The only difference she realized was that she was actually making less pay in the end.
“What makes it the same?” I asked.
“It’s the same thing. I work hard and do a really conscientious job but I never know how I’m doing in their eyes. No one ever tells me.” She lamented.
Her complaint was not new. It was the same complaint everywhere she worked as far back as I could remember.
“Looking back, how often did you ask for feedback instead of waiting for them to tell you?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t think I should need to ask. It’s just common courtesy, isn’t it, to offer words of appreciation and encouragement to the people who work for you?” she replied.
I immediately thought of Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. Gary condensed our needs for connection and love into five actions. Some are more important to us than others. He believes, and so do I, that once we know what matters to someone we can improve our relationships with them. It’s also vital for us voice what matters to us.
Here are the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Receiving and Giving Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
“It may be a common courtesy for you,” I offered, “but obviously not to them. It’s just not one of their love languages.”
I continued, “So if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, what’s one thing YOU can change?”
She knew about the Five Love Languages. I had told her about it a year ago and she took the quiz. Her number one love language was Words of Affirmation by a large margin.
As she pondered what she could change, I offered up a suggestion.
“How about you just ask them how you’re doing instead of waiting for them to say something? Be proactive. It obviously bothers you so take control of the conversation. Just say, ‘Hey, I’m just checking in to see how I’m doing. Is there anything I could improve upon?’ Make is casual.”
I saw her freeze. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“What are you afraid of? The asking or the receiving?” I questioned her.
Feedback is vital to us humans, we are a social species. We need to know how we are doing to feel safe and valued in our tribes, both personally and in business.
When I ask clients to get testimonials from their customers to use in their marketing I often hear excuses like “I don’t want to bother them” or “They’re not the type of people who do that.” Even, “But what if they don’t want to or give me a bad review?”
You can’t improve what you don’t know. We are all a work in progress. Learning how to ask, but more importantly how to receive, keeps us moving forward, growing and progressing. It’s a simple action that can shift Einstein’s theory of insanity into insight. And with insight doors open and opportunities appear. Instead of wondering why, find out why.
What’s one bit of feedback can you ask for today?
Who will you ask?
How will it feel when you hear their answer?
What will you do with their answer?
Don’t forget to say ‘Thank You’ ;)
3 simply ways to start gathering feedback:
Ask your clients for testimonials (People love being asked for their opinion)
Send out a Survey (Mailchimp has a function for that - easy-peasey)
Allow comments and reviews on your website and social media channels (Yes, you will need to monitor them but you should be actively involved with your media anyway)
If you never taken the Five Love Languages quiz or it was a while ago, I highly recommend it. The insights you will gain can be applied to all of your relationships - personal and business . Here’s the link: https://5lovelanguages.com/learn
The most successful, fulfilling, and longest lasting businesses are laser focused on relationships and building community. Relationships require open and on-going communication. Gather feedback - it’s like money in the bank.
So how is your relationship with money?
I ask because how you do money is how you do everything. Do you know what your Money Language is?
You have one and it’s likely your Money Language is connected to your Love Language.
Are you a Maverick, a Nurturer, a Connector, a Celebrity, an Accumulator, Alchemist, a Romantic?
Find out. Take the Free Money Personality Quiz: https://www.buildingtobrilliance.com/masteryourmoney-quiz
Shine on Lovely Lady!! Keep growing, keep learning! Your brilliance is showing :)
Best,
Janet
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want.
That’s why they don’t get what they want.”
- Madonna