Fear of Disapproval or Abandonment
Fear of Disapproval or Abandonment
You tend to seek permission before making changes and get paralyzed when you think it won't be granted. People with this fear shy away from asking for help to avoid rejection which can be crippling for entrepreneurs because pursuing your dreams requires support, whether it's financial or emotional.
The Shame Gremlin of this fear says:
“I cannot expand to my full success because it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave people behind from my past.”
Those addicted to approval and “people pleasing” often didn't get enough of it when they were younger and as adults tend to look to externally for validation through titles, salary, money, and material possessions.
Two telling questions to ask yourself if you feel this fear applies to you would be:
Did I break the family’s spoken or unspoken rules to get where I am?
Even though I am successful, did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had of me?
If you answer yes to either question, you will experience guilt as you expand into more success and the guilt will hold you back causing acts of self-sabotage.
“Behind every communication problem
is a 10-minute conversation you don’t want to have.”
- Gay Hendricks
How true! The anticipation and agony about being honest about an uncomfortable situation always feels so much worse than the conversation itself. However, the freedom you feel once once you have the conversation far outweighs the agony you put yourself through worrying about it. And you just might be surprised with the outcome.
Start valuing your own approval more than others to overcome this fear.
Permission Slips:
It may seem silly but practice giving yourself permission to do what you want by actually writing yourself a permission slip, a hall pass. They can be small wants or big wants. This prompts you to remember that you don't need anyone else's permission but your own!
I give myself permission to get a massage once a week
I give myself permission to take a vacation
I give myself permission to take a 1/2 hour walk at noon each day
And when you do need to have that uncomfortable conversation…
Write down the outcome you are seeking for yourself and the other person.
Be as clear and specific as possible.
Remember, there are many paths to the same destination.
Focusing on the outcome will help you to detach feelings of guilt and shame. Honestly, it’s just a conversation and maybe the first of a few.
Eye on the prize, Girl!