My Perfect Day

I was having dinner with my friend, Rob, at the bar. It was a Friday and the alums were in town, so the place was packed. As the night wore on, the crowd thinned, likely off to their obligatory class dinners.

A new couple sat down next to us, joined by their college-age daughter. The dad was the alum, a pleasant-looking man in his mid-sixties, slightly overweight but very content and relaxed in his demeanor. An orthopedic surgeon from Philadelphia, the wife proudly revealed.

I asked her what she did in Philadelphia and she announced she was a cosmetic surgeon. “No way!”, I thought. I just didn't believe it. Clearly, she’d had plenty of “procedures,” but she did not have the bedside manner of a surgeon. He did, that was evident, but she was something else.

Quite audibly and outrageously the spokesperson for their small group—loud and touchy—her energy hit me like a herd of buffalo. I instinctually sucked in my stomach, sat taller, chin up, tits up, shoulders back, and prayed she wouldn't see the multitude of flaws in my face. Damn, why didn’t I make that Botox appointment! At least my hair looked good. She had a visceral hold on me.

She boasted about her age and how wonderful she looked in spite of it.

“Do you work out?” Rob asked. (He’s really into his Peloton exercise bike right now.)

“Don’t I look like I work out?” she demanded, as she straightened and twisted so we could admire her slim profile. We assured her that she looked fantastic, especially for her age.

I sat back, mildly regretting the potatoes I inhaled along with the salmon. They were so good though. “Peel the onion,” I thought. “Peel the onion.”

“So what do you do that brings you joy?” It slowed her down a touch, but she recovered nicely.

“Oh, my work brings me joy and of course, my family and my friends too,” she said, hugging her husband from behind.

“But what do you do just for yourself that gives you joy?” I asked.

“I’m a very busy person.”

OK, I thought, time for a change of tack. “Coming about!” I bellowed in my head.

“Today I wrote out what my perfect day would be. Have you ever done that? It was surprisingly difficult. It took me over 3 hours. There were things I was afraid to write down at first because they felt so outrageous. But, you know, as I thought more about them, I realized they just made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t feel worthy of them. Once I worked through my fears of worthiness, things flowed and it was really fun. I also realized that some of the things in my perfect day exist right now in my daily life. That was a bright spot.”

“So what is your perfect day?” she asked.

Aha! It worked! Just the opening I was looking for. I went on to describe exactly what my perfect day was in vivid detail. I had no trouble remembering it because by writing it down I had already lived it once in my mind and in my heart. It was exhilarating to describe it again. I added more detail, the Gingerlily Molton Brown body wash in the shower, the colors of the Italian tile we had custom made for the foyer, even the details of that perfect 40-foot putt that earned me 20 bucks and my best-ever golf score. Smells. Sounds. It became more and more real, more possible, more of exactly what I want.

She laughed here and there. At first, it bothered me. Who is she to be laughing at my dreams? But I realized that I too had started out laughing at my dreams, thinking they were an impossibility and that I wasn’t worthy of them. But what I really couldn’t ignore was the feeling inside of me as I shared them. That airy and warm summer breeze of peace and joy that softly caresses your face. It was dreamy. It was heady. It was intoxicating. I wouldn’t need that nightcap.

She was the first person with whom I had ever shared my perfect day. We’re often told the best way to put someone at ease and to break the ice is to ask questions about them—get them to talk because generally people love talking about themselves. However, I’ve found you can’t always be assured of candidness. In fact, let’s face it, those first encounters are often encrusted with the gems and jewels our egos choose to flash about.

When you start the peeling and revealing of your onion layers and expose your vulnerabilities, what matters to you, and your aspirations and dreams, becoming more transparent and odiferous, it opens the door and allows others to lower their guard and peel and reveal along with you.

The real benefit though, is what it does to you and for you by how it makes you feel.

“Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
—George Bernard Shaw

A covey of classmates swooped in on them and she was carried away in conversation. I googled her when I got home. Yup, she is a cosmetic surgeon in Philadephia. Good on her.

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GROWTH STEP: Set aside some time in the next few days to write out your perfect day. Give yourself at least two hours of uninterrupted time. Don’t rush it. It’s an energizing, painful, and delightful experience. And YES, you can have everything you want!!! So don’t hold back!

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“We have enough people who tell it like it is. Now we could use a few who tell it like it could be.” —Robert Orden

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Click to LEARN MORE About "Discovering Your Brilliance"

To read what my perfect day is go to: Janet's Perfect Day

Heart-Centered Businesses. Baloney or Bonafide?

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

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Recently, I contacted two long-term clients that I’ve been working with for over a decade, telling each that it was time to upgrade their websites. In both cases, the aging website platforms had become more susceptible to hacking due to the older third-party extensions, the overall design and layout of the sites were dated, and better options in functionality and features existed in newer platforms.

One client (Client A) is at the top of her industry, working with very high-end clients, and the other one (Client B) is a “wannabe high-end” company that services mid-range clients. During the course of our business relationship, I’ve doubted Client B’s ability to move to the top, and today the reason became crystal clear.

Client A greeted my proposal with excitement and appreciation, thankful for my watchful eye on the functionality of her website and grateful for my knowledge on the newer website technologies. She responded to my suggestion within two days and eagerly set up a meeting to get things going.

Client B was a different story. It took seven follow-up emails and multiple phone messages over eleven weeks to finally get a response.

Me: “Hi, reaching out again about the website upgrade. I’ve mentioned my concerns and the benefits in prior emails. I’m happy to meet or chat about it at your convenience. Let me know.”

Client B: “I’m sorry. I’m already working on a new website with another vendor.”

Me: “Is there something you are unhappy about with our work?”

Client B: “Not unhappy at all. Just found a vendor that can do sites for a lot less.”

(My inner dialogue — “WHAT!?! We’ve worked together for over ten years, and you are dumping me like this over an estimate without giving me the respect of a conversation? Over money rather than service? Where’s the loyalty? Where’s the respect?”)

Me: “Ok, sorry to hear that and best of luck.”

And that’s when it hit me: Client B will never, ever, ever get to the top — and now I know exactly why! It’s all about where her focus is centered.

A Fork in the Road

We’ve all seen the rise in popularity of the “Heart-Centered business trend: “How to become a heart-centered business” and “Why it makes a difference.” When it originally came into popularity I felt it came off as overly spiritual, focused more on coaching and counseling businesses, and generally directed at women. I hadn’t given it much merit, but the more I thought about it and looked at the differences between Clients A and B, I realized that it’s actually nothing new and that it’s been the hallmark for successful businesses forever.

I detected two distinct schools of thought and saw that every business places more value on one or the other . . . “Heart-Centered” or “Money-Centered.” And that, my friends, will make all the difference in your journey.

Why won’t Client B get to the top? You guessed it — she’s money-centered. The value of her customer and vendor relationships are focused first and foremost on money. I’m not implying that she doesn’t consider her customers’ needs and the quality of her product, but money takes precedence in her decision-making — instead of building strong and enduring relationships. While she skimps and saves here and there and stares at the bottom line rather than into her customers’ eyes, she is quietly burning bridges instead of building them.

The value of Client A’s relationships to her customers, vendors, contractors — everyone, in fact — is focused on heart and grounded in respect, loyalty, and the value of building long-term relationships. And that is exactly why she enjoys being the most sought-after builder in her area and has been for years. Her business model is clearly a mirror of her personal inherent core values. What sets her apart is that she makes everyone she meets feel valued. And when customers feel valued by a business, they’re more than willing to go the extra mile and recommend that business to their friends and acquaintances.

Now, who do you think I will end up referring people to in the future? Client A or Client B?

Where’s the beef? Or is it baloney?

There’s no baloney about it. It’s the beef! Being a heart-centered business has nothing to do with spirituality, coaching, women — none of that. It’s plain and simple values and ethics. Every business owner can and should be heart-centered, no matter whether you are an accountant, a lawyer, a realtor, or a car dealer. My friend Amanda Grappone, owner of Grappone Auto in New Hampshire, is changing the face and perception of “the car salesman” by instilling her heart-centered philosophy and implementing its related practices throughout her business. Her heart-centered style naturally spills out onto everyone and everything around her because she lives it in her core. Her staff is happy, her customers are happy, she’s happy. And the icing on the cake? It’s contributed to a healthy increase in the company’s bottom line as well.

You are what you eat.

You know what you should eat and what your core craves. The core values and ethics that you live your life by mirror your health and that of your business too. Take a very careful look at them. How healthy is your life? How about your business? Do you need to make a shift in what you value? Is it time for a detox?

For me, these are the essential components of a heart-centered business:

• Authenticity

• Transparency

• Consistent Communication

• Accessibility

• Focus on Building Long-Term Relationships

• Mutually Beneficial Outcomes

And these are the benefits:

• Loyalty

• Trust

• Respect

• Honesty

• Long-Term Relationships

• Mutually Beneficial Outcomes

• A Healthy Stream of Referrals

• A Healthy Bottom Line

• FUN & HAPPINESS IN BUSINESS AND LIFE!

What’s on your plate?

Hey, I’m not against making money — not at all! I love making money! We all need it to pay our bills, to live and provide for ourselves and our families, and to give back. But what I have noticed is that business owners who have a greater focus on money versus service and communication do not enjoy a long and fruitful life. Their journey is a constant struggle peppered with inconsistent clients and cash flow and resulting in stress and a shifting foundation.

Money-centered businesses never enjoy real security because they’re always looking for the next check and for ways to skimp and save rather than business flowing effortlessly to them from referrals. Businesses built on a heart-centered foundation, however, enjoy security freely because their foundation is reinforced with trust, respect, loyalty, honesty, and compassion. Security comes from building long-term relationships based on authentic communication and focused on mutually beneficial outcomes.

You’ve likely heard the concept that money is energy. Well, I finally understood this when I saw the differences between Client A and Client B. It really comes down to this: Heart-Centered = Relationship-Centered; Money-Centered = Self-Centered.

So, what’s on your plate? How are you getting energy? And how are you giving it . . . through communication, respect, mutual benefits, and understanding? Or from the dough?

And forget what you’ve heard about sweets: Don’t eat dessert first. . . . It’s not good for your heart (or your bottom . . . line).

Did Life Get in the Way… Again?

Did life get in the way– AGAIN? We all have a spark within us. It may sit dormant for many years but it’s never too late and you’re never too old to awaken it and share it with the world and more importantly with YOU!

Your brilliance will delight the world and delight you in all the joy and fulfillment it brings to you. When you’re in “The Zone” – your Brilliance, your Genius Zone, you absolutely know it. It’s a state of pure and utter joy–no ego, no worries, no fears, no competition.

For over 50 years I was keeping myself safe and quiet. As Gay Hendricks describes in his book The Big Leap, I was keeping myself in my Zones of...

Incompetence (what you’re not good at but do anyway)

Competence (what you’re good at and so are a lot of other people), and

Excellence (what you excel at and do for the accolades, money, and ego - not because your passionate it about it)

I was resisting breaking through my glass ceiling and elevating to my Genius Zone - the zone of creativity, joy, pure fulfillment, and happiness. But why?

Each day I found myself deeper in the "Hamster Wheel of Life"– super busy and financially successful but unfulfilled and frustrated. It’s safe to play small. It’s safe to place others ahead of you. It’s safe to not give yourself a voice. And it’s safe to play the victim and make excuses that your life is the result of what others have done to you. But we are all solely responsible for our own happiness.

It took me 50+ years to break into my Genius Zone, place myself first, and live in my Brilliance. Oh, I would dabble in it occasionally, but would sink back down into the safe zones to be “safe” and stroke my ego.

Yet, I had always felt that there was something bigger for me to do, a bigger contribution to make, and I knew the only way to get there was to be in my Genius Zone for extended periods of time.

So, I decided to put myself first and it was hard! As a woman and mother of 4 grown kids and 4 grandkids putting myself first was not what I was taught. It took conscious practice and daily commitment to make the shift.

I started small, making myself the priority first thing in the morning for just one hour rather than attending to others “nigglies” as I call them – all those little nudging requests by clients and family, which you rationalize as being quick and easy to cross off the list but end up consuming your time and sucking you down into the rabbit hole.

Now, I’m “unavailable” until at least 1pm 6 days a week and entirely the 7th day of the week – working and living in my Brilliance, which for me is creating, designing, writing, and painting. My year end goal is to expand that to all of Friday through Monday, and half of Tuesday through Thursday. Think I can do it?

How much time do you spend in your Brilliant or Genius Zone?

Are ready to get out of your Incompetent and Competent Zones altogether?

Are you ready to stop playing safe and small?

Are you ready to give yourself a voice?

Are you ready to bring that spark to life once again and keep it lit for extended periods of time?

Don’t let other peoples lives get in the way of yours anymore.

This is your life - LIVE IT!

Live Your Light!

Where Are You Fishing? In a Blue Ocean or a Red One?

Do you know your competition? How they're marketing? Who their target market is? How they sell?

Good. You should. But that’s not where your focus, time, or energies should be invested.

What if your business could be in a league of its own instead of competing with others in your industry? What if you were setting the pace, creating unique products and living a “Blue Ocean Strategy”?

The term is derived from the book "Blue Ocean Strategy" (Harvard Business Review Press, expanded edition, 2015), by W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne. It describes how companies traditionally work in "red ocean"conditions, where businesses viciously fight against each other for a share of the marketplace. Instead, according to the blue ocean strategy, organizations should find a way to work in a marketplace that is free of competitors.

I know it’s been said that there is no reason to recreate the wheel but we can always make a better wheel! Seriously, look at how many versions of the actual wheel have been created since its inception in the late Neolithic age (9500–6500 BCE). Endless.

I believe the concept of Blue Ocean Strategy begins with an inward perspective - an initial perspective, which many times gets lost. Often businesses begin because they feel they can be better than their competition, and in fact they can. They go into business with all the grandest intentions of changing the norm in their industry, but all too often they fall into… well… the business of being in business. Their grand intentions are forgotten and they slip into “competing” rather than “innovating”.

The logic behind Blue Ocean strategy is innovation, focusing less on competition and more on alternatives. Being creative versus copycat. While we can learn boatloads from past entrepreneurs, business successes and failures, it’s our individual brilliance and creativity we must tap into, hold sacred, and shine for the world to see.

To tap into your potential blue ocean, Kim and Mauborgne argue that businesses and entrepreneurs should consider their "Four Actions Framework." The framework poses four key questions:

Raise: What factors should be raised well above the industry's standard?

Eliminate: Which factors that the industry has long competed on should be eliminated?

Reduce: Which factors should be reduced well below the industry's standard?

Create: Which factors should be created that the industry has never offered?

Kim and Mauborgne said that this exercise forces companies to scrutinize every factor of competition, helping leaders discover the range of assumptions they unconsciously make while competing.

Examples of Blue Ocean Strategy

One popular example of blue ocean strategy is Cirque du Soleil, which achieved revenues that took Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey more than a century to attain.

"Cirque did not make its money by competing within the confines of the existing industry or by stealing customers from Ringling and the others," Kim and Mauborgne wrote in the Harvard Business Review magazine. "Instead, it created uncontested market space that made the competition irrelevant. It pulled in a whole new group of customers who were traditionally noncustomers of the industry — adults and corporate clients who had turned to theater, opera or ballet and were, therefore, prepared to pay several times more than the price of a conventional circus ticket for an unprecedented entertainment experience."

Southwest Airlines is another example. Southwest tapped into a customer base who preferred driving to air travel due to the lower cost. Instead of competing with other airlines, Southwest positioned itself as an alternative to cars and offered reduced prices, improved check-in times and increased flight frequency.

"This new combination created an offering that enabled the customer to benefit from the high traveling speeds of an airplane at low prices combined with the flexibility of traveling by car," Blue Ocean Strategy Partners writes on its website.

So, where are you currently fishing? In a blue ocean or a red one? Are you focused on the competition or on you and your uniqueness? It’s easy to end up in the red ocean, most businesses do. The red ocean is survival and its bloody. The blue ocean is where you’ll THRIVE!