Crayons, Quitters, and Doors
Oh My!
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
One of my clients went to a conference this weekend and as she put, “Took some brave steps.”
She gathered her gumption, stretched into possibility, took action, and as a result opened opportunities.
There was a door, a literal door, with ‘Writing Workshop’ taped to it. As nervous as she was, she choose to open it, walk in, and accept the opportunity.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I held back from walking through a door of opportunity and instead stared at it hoping, wishing, wanting it to open.
You know the one - it’s that door that you think “should” and “could” be the path to a brighter, better, and more profitable future. Yet there it is - still closed and you’re still staring at it. Hmmm…
What are you waiting for? What are you waiting to happen?
For the door to open itself?
To be invited inside?
To be told,“We’re so glad you’re here. We’ve been waiting for you.” ?
Here’s a hard cold fact I ran across this weekend while reading an article about women and confidence.
Women tend to be quitters. Seems harsh but sadly it’s true.
Girls are 80% more likely to quit a sports or team during middle and high school than boys are. And the percentages don’t change much as we age either. Oh, we do get savvier but only to simply take even less chances.
Why do we quit?
It’s a combination of both nature and nurture that lead women down this path of least resistance and holds us back from unabashedly opening doors.
NATURE: While men and women’s brains are primarily the same, certain areas are different. In particular, the hippocampus which regulates learning, memory encoding, and memory consolidation. It’s larger in women and as such our memories are pretty darn good.
However, that also means it’s harder for us to forget both good feelings and bad feelings so we instinctually minimize risk by staying on the safe path to approval.
Boys on the other hand do forget (well, that explains a lot!). When boys say nasty things to each other, they can more easily let it roll off of them.
NURTURE: Girls social skills develop earlier than boys. We learn at an early age that being good receives approval which we associate with love. As a result, we limit risky behavior to be loved. Boys rough and tumble risk-taking behavior however is not only tolerated it’s rewarded and celebrated.
Boys learn that failing is a natural path to winning whereas girls learn that pleasing is a natural path to being loved.
We quit because we want to be liked and loved. We quit before we can fail.
And so we continue politely and quietly staring at those closed doors, waiting and hoping for them to open rather than getting up and opening them ourselves.
A woman at one of my MasterMeals revealed that her secret to confidence and resilience comes from being a lifelong athlete as it taught her more about failing then it did about winning.
The question of the week is about Leveraging Opportunities.
What doors are you going to open today?
I know you have a person or persons you want to connect to. Will you just request a connect on LinkedIn or are you going to take that extra step and write a personal note? Or better yet, will you set up a Zoom meeting, a coffee, a lunch?
What doors are you going to finally walk away from?
There are doors you have been staring at for way too long - the ones you “hope” will be it. Hope doesn’t make things happen only action does. Either open the door or walk away. Chances are there’s a better door right behind you.
What doors are you going to build yourself so you can open them?
Remember Harold and the Purple Crayon? Well, just like Harold you can draw yourself a door and open it! I’m betting there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, to try. Want to be a writer, pick up a pen. Want to be a speaker, start talking. Want to be a painter, grap some paint. Just do it, if for no one else but yourself!
The conclusion of that article I referenced earlier, The Confidence Gap, is that while both nature and nurture adversely affect a woman’s level of confidence, we can still get in the game and make solid strides.
Confidence is a game, an internal head game, which (you will remember because you’re a women) is one of our strong suits - the head game thing.
By recognizing our thoughts, understanding them from a different perspective, and having mini-touchdowns, as I call them, we can rewire our brain and leverage those thoughts to our advantage.
“Confidence is the factor that turns thoughts into judgments about what we are capable of, and that then transforms those judgments into action.
Confidence is a belief in one’s ability to succeed, a belief that stimulates action. In turn, taking action bolsters one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed. So confidence accumulates—through hard work, through success, and even through failure.”*
* The Confidence Gap by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. The Atlantic.
Confidence is built and improved by taking action.
Opening your opportunity abundance channels happen when YOU take action - not by waiting for someone or something to find you and open the doors for you.
Get in the game Girl!
Take some brave steps towards those doors and let’s swing ‘em open!
Best,
Janet
_____________________________________________________
If you’d like to join the BBA conversation just email me - janet@hutchensmedia.com
We meet on Zoom - Thursdays at 6-7:30pm EST.
Tuesdays at 9am and Noon are also options - let me know if that’s better for you.
“You don’t have to be great to start,
but you do have to start to be great.”
- Zig Ziglar